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15 Oct 2009

How Things Change

Picture for: How Things Change

Addie is 37 days old today. I think back about where my life was 10 months ago and where it is now, and how much more calm and controlled it feels.

The first 2 month's of our pregnancy was pretty smooth sailing, with a few minor bumps. Then it seemed as if someone kept pushing the "Oh Shit Button" every 24-48 hours for 7 months. When Jaymie first started getting morning sickness, I thought to myself, "Well, this is normal, no big deal". But as her trips to the bathroom became more and more frequent, with increased severity of vomiting and discomfort, I really started to get worried. Jaymie was so sick that she could not even take a sip of water without becoming violently ill. We spent 11 days in the hospital while they kept her hooked up to I.V.'s and other contraptions. We decided to have a PICC Line inserted in her arm and figured it would be a few weeks and all would be better. Little did we know. She carried a backpack of medicine that would pump 2000 ml into her arm for around 16 hours a day, which we mixed daily. Our dinning room table turned into a medical station with Sharps Containers, boxes of needles, saline flushes and tubing. The backpack was part of her daily attire, and our daily lives.

Throughout the entire pregnancy, I can honestly say that I was ready to be a dad, but it never really hit me. With each and every baby shower, or family gathering, the external excitement never really sank in. I think that Jaymie and I were on such a "what is today going to bring" roller-coaster and so busy battling this illness, that I never had the time to really sit down and let it sink in. I'm not saying that I wasn't mentally prepared for this next chapter in my life, it's just that I didn't see myself with a baby. Sure, I read all the magazines, went to all the websites, but I just didn't felt it yet.

I vividly remember the exact moment when I first felt like a dad. It was the afternoon of September 8th, we were at the hospital, family and friends were starting to trickle into our room to visit. We had signed all the release forms and other paperwork. A doctor just finished installing the epidural line. I watched how much pain each and every contraction brought via a monitor she was hooked up to. I was exhausted when the contractions were light, I could feel her pain when the monitor spiked. I was going to be a father.

I have always wanted a baby, and even more so, a baby girl. I have always known that I will be a kick-ass dad who will do anything and everything for his family. Now that Addie is here and Jaymie no longer has hyperemesis gravidarum, things have really fallen into place and our life is back on track.

Over these past several months, we have laughed, cried, yelled and worried; pretty much the entire gamut of human emotions. But each and every moment has been worth it, because I have an amazingly beautiful, 37 day old baby girl.

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